Being an Empath ... Me in a Nutshell

Artemis - Goddess of the Hunt/Moon
Copyright Lila Telrunya
http://lilatelrunya.deviantart.com/

As a child I was always ... different. I could remember things I should not have been able to remember from a life other than my own. I kept to myself, learned things differently. I thought I was "normal". During my teen years I learned I could see and feel things about others. I could pass people in the halls and feel darkness, feel pain, feel joy. I could see colors around them, sometimes faint and sometimes brilliant like a halo of light.
I was different.

I am different.

I am an Empath.

Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within the other person's frame of reference, i.e., the capacity to place oneself in another's position. ~Wikipedia

Empath : Being an empath is when you are affected by other people's energies, and have an innate ability to intuitively feel and perceive others. Your life is unconsciously influenced by others' desires, wishes, thoughts, and moods.  ~The Mind Unleashed

I am sometimes highly sensitive or hypersensitive regarding feelings and emotions of others.  I've learned to suppress it some over the years.  Sometimes when I feel it, it's an overwhelming sense of confusion and not what that person is feeling ... Or even what I'm feeling. 

(Side note : I've discussed with a couple of doctors over the years that I may have ADHD or have a type of Autism.  They call me depressed and try to medicate me.  I know what depression is and it's not when you are completely happy with your life and your mind is a fog.  You know things, and you can see a thought in your mind, a memory or something you learned that you want to focus on but you can't.  It truly is like I'm standing outside in the fog and I know I'm close to something but I don't know what.  I can't reach it, I can't grab it, I just know it's there.)  The worst feeling of all is when I'm very close to someone who I should know what they are feeling and yet I don't.  I misjudge and am confused, only making matters worse. 

I wasn't sure how to begin the blog so I typed "being an empath" into Google.  I already know, and have known, that I'm an empath.  It fits and I've never had any doubt.  Their search showed an Empath Test so I clicked it. 

My results :

Your Super Serious Title is: The Moon Goddess Empath :
You scored extremely high on the overall results. You are definitely an empath.

You are highly intuitive and can almost always tell when people are lying. You like water but don't absolutely need to be near it. Your second chakra does okay. You love nature and unconsciously understand its healing effects -- which is a general, but strong indicator that you are an empath. You have a deep love and appreciation for nature. You recognize the sacred expression of all beings. You are truly wise. But you seem fairly normal -- able to influence people at times.

You need to learn how to recognize and differentiate other people's energy from yours. Learning psychic/empathic meditation tools will help. You scored extremely poorly on the "Mirroring Others Unconsciously" portion of the quiz. It looks like you have a tendency to mirror other people and their energy. Your score indicates that you would benefit from learning to recognize your own energy vs other people's and cord removal most likely.

You scored extremely low on the "Has Protection Tools" section of the quiz. This means that your ability to protect yourself energetically is really bad. Your empathic abilities are causing you grief. You are no doubt an out of control healer and would benefit from energy healing, cord-removal, and visualization tools for releasing responsibility. You are so caring and loving that you put others before yourself -- to your detriment. You are most likely an out of control healer. You would benefit from energy work and empath tools for releasing guilt and responsibility.

I'm truly not surprised by the results.  I like being around water but I'm drawn to it in a way I don't like so in a way, I fear it and stay away.  I love nature and plants.  I love healing with organic medicines, vitamins, plants and herbs.  I do tend to mirror when I'm around someone particularly angry, and I absolutely have a terrible time protecting myself.  I feel responsible, when I am around those in a sad mood, to lift them up.  Everyone has a bit of empath in them but very few break down into tears when you pass a person in a store for apparently no reason, feel a pain in your face when you pass a car with a young woman in the passenger seat looking at the sky or feel a sickening tingle in your stomach when you see a photograph you've seen many times before.

That happened to me today.

I am on Facebook at least once a day.  Generally, I'll scroll through in the mornings and pay little attention unless there's something about crochet.  (Not enough coffee in me to focus on much else.) This morning I felt a burning feeling when I scrolled past one post so I kept going and didn't read it.  When I left the page and came back, it was there waiting for me.  A friend had been shoved into a wall by her husband...on Mother's Day...because he was drunk...and because their toddler had come to them again to be put back to bed.  (Some how she was a bad person and he had to hit her.  At that point I was in a rage.)  After I messaged her I went on, still saddened by what I had read but trying not to take it emotionally on as mine. 

I passed a picture of a couple of my friends from high school (20 years ago) and their little brother.  Everyone was happy and smiling.  I'd seen it a few times but this time I felt something in my stomach, a knot and a feeling telling me to stop.  I looked at it, no comments. I started to scroll on.  I noticed at the top her mood was heartbroken and immediately I knew it was their brother.  I found their brother's wife, who I grew up with, and she had also recently posted "heartbroken" and a picture of her husband.  Already tearing up, I messaged her asking if they were okay.  They were not.  He had gone to a friend's house last night and he had ... departed.  I bawled.  All I could do is offer condolences to her and his sisters in private messages (it's obvious they are not ready to announce it) and tell them I know I can't do anything now but I'm here when they need me.

I reached out to my sister who was good friends with the sisters in high school and we both still talk to the wife on occasion.  She was upset with me for taking it to heart.  "Why does it bother you? We didn't know him, not really.  We haven't talked to them in years." etc etc and then my favorite ... "You really need to not take these things personally." 

Thanks for that. 
Certainly I do this to myself on purpose. :\ 

I would like to publicly say something about Empaths.  If you know one or ever meet one...

1)  We do not do this to ourselves.
2)  We can not help that we take things personally.
3)  If we could shut it off and not feel an enormous amount of knee dropping pain every time someone close to us loses someone, we would.
4)  We do not "get off" on going to funerals or funeral homes but we will be there when we know survivors could use a hug or a shoulder.

5)  It doesn't matter if we hardly knew the person, or not at all.  When those emotions hit, it hits like a tsunami.  You can not always see it coming but it hits hard, rolls out and back in again whenever it wants and at whatever velocity it sees fit...not what we see fit. 
6)  Sometimes, and certainly in my case, when it's a particularly emotional thing, when it's someone we know or when it's around an emotional time of the year from another loss ... Sometimes we are overwhelmed with the pain we felt from another occasion and not from today.
7) Don't be a jerk.  This is a pretty basic rule that just applies to everything.

It hurts both physically and emotionally.  To then be insulted afterwards does not help.  If you know an empath and they need you for five minutes, let them cry, tell them the same thing you would tell anyoneI know that doesn't help t (I would hope) that has experienced a similar loss.  "He was a troubled soul who is at peace.  hose that remain but be strong for their family." 

Suck it up, buttercup, does not work. 

It took a lot of meditation and talking to my husband, who reminded me that I needed to focus my emotions on helping the family to help me and make my emotions roll out with the tide.  As any empath will tell you, we know it's not about us.  It's not about me.  However, if I'm overwhelmed in an ocean of waves, I can't always see anyone else or know where to go.  Once I see a sign or hear a voice that reminds me what this is, I can focus.

Today, I needed someone to help me focus.  I know this is not about me, it never was.  Empathy is a wonderful thing, don't get me wrong.  I love walking past people and feeling giggly, feeling enormous love or kindness. 

Today, for me, hurt most because Mother's Day was hard. My sister and I are now mothers to two boys (each) who never met our mother.  She's been gone nearly 18 years.  This Mother's Day was particularly hard for some reason.  When I felt the pit about my friend, I already knew what was coming.  I was already shaking my head and saying "no, no, no" as I typed to his wife.  All the emotions of loss I'd been trying to suppress yesterday began bubbling over into this.  It wasn't all about him.  He was just the kid brother from 20 years ago that use to hang out with us when I'd drive folks somewhere.  He was still important to me because he was a good guy, loved his wife and kids (even though they were separated and figuring out life), he was still someone very much in weekly conversations with people we care about and it still hurts to know it happened.  My heart aches for his kids, for the wife who had to identify her husband, for the two sisters who lost their mom only a couple of years ago and now have lost their only brother.  It is a shock to all that know him and a moment of weakness I'm certain, even from the other side, he wishes he'd never had.

If you are an empath, you are not alone.  You are never alone.  There are more of us than you think.

If you know an empath, don't be a jerk.  Sometimes feelings and energies lurch them forward to feel things that you may not understand but they don't always understand it either.  Try to be understanding, try to help them focus on putting up the energy wall.

If you don't know and are not an empath ... just don't be a jerk.  As I said, it's always just a good rule to live by.

Confessions ... Through the Bathroom Door.

"Would you quit it?
Every.single.time.
Nope.  You have to wait.
I said no!  I'm pooping.
Are you kidding m... WAIT!
Every.FLIPPIN.TIME.
Oh, fine. FINE. I didn't need to do this NOW anyway.  I'll just get up and take care of YOUR needs.
No. No. No. After you, your highness."

Anyone that says raising dogs is not remotely like raising kids can kiss my rear.  Moose, our Miniature Schnauzer, will wake from a dead sleep when he hears the bathroom door or me on the potty.  He will go to the front door and stretch a couple of times and in the third stretch he'll ring the bells on the side of the door to alert me that he HAS to go out.  He will ring those bells like The Hunchback of Notre Dame until I finish my business or give up trying.  Even if I've just put him out and let him in again.  *sigh* Kids.

Facebook Hack vs. Facebook Cloning

**I am sharing this with friends and family as well, so disclaimer ... this is not about you.  I've stopped following people to lessen my chances of being cloned or duped but you need to know this too**

If you use or have used Facebook at all, you know about hacks and clones/duplications (dupes).  I've been asked about the differences and I am happy to explain.  I've helped others to fix their accounts or I've done it myself.  The thing is, you have to listen.  I know it sounds silly ... or maybe even mean.

If a kid climbs a chair and touches the stove eye, you kiss their little hand and you explain fire is hot.  If they sit in front of a light socket with a fork, you rush in and tell them, "No, no" and explain why that will cause an undesired reaction.  I tell, on average, 1-2 people a month they've been duplicated.  Sometimes the same people.  I post or explain in detail.  I thought it might be easier if I put this here and then link to it somewhere.  Hopefully it won't be needed, but if it is you can pull this post down from the shelf, dust it off and see if it helps.

Now I'm sure you're all wondering why I have that image there.  What does it all mean?  I'll tell ya.  THIS IS HOW THEY GET YOU.

I will not give you the name of the "person" who posted all these images.  This "person" has a profile on Facebook and this is what they do.  All day, every day, they post images of Jesus, an 11 month old baby with amputated legs, a lovely young woman or two (the two on the right are actually the same young woman) and they will type things like, "Beautiful Baby <3 <3 Please Type Amen & Pray for Him :)", "I cried when I lost my second hand in and accident...Now people no longer like me because they say that I'm ugly and lame. So please tell me the truth, am I still beautiful___???? YES/NO", "Do you think I'm beautiful without my arm, Don't go without pressing like and comment a amen if you're not embarrassed of me" and "My Husband says i can't get many likes because I'm disable and ugly. If you think I'm beautiful please hit a # Like and Type AMEN".

If you've seen these and shared them, you are a beautiful, loving, caring ...sucker.  And I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you so hard.

I've covered their faces because 1) I would swear on the soul of my mother that not one single one of those women or the parents of that baby know that their photos were stolen and used in such a way on the internet and 2) I refuse to be a part of what they are doing.

This "person" has a profile.  Likely one they made up or belonged to someone and they changed the name ( we'll get to that ).  This one just happens to almost be the Spanish translation of eliminate cancers, but changed slightly to not be detected.  We shall call him Scammer. Regular, every day, good people like you saw that this "person" shared an image.  We'll use the baby one for our example.

This young baby boy has fibular hemimelia, a birth defect where part or all of the fibular bone is missing.  Foot and knee deformities are common.  This baby boy is almost 3.  I will be emailing his parents with the link to the scammer on FB when I'm done here.  While it's a beautiful thing that a complete stranger would ask for prayers for a beautiful baby, the problem is what you're not seeing.  First of all, when you click like, heart, any emoji or share a photo, Scammer now has your first and last name.  He can mouse over your name and see what city/state you live in.  It might say "message" so he can message you.  He can click your name and go to your page.  If you haven't fixed your privacy settings, Scammer can see all of your friends, all of your shared photos, maybe even your cell number, the names and links to your kids, sisters, parents pages.  They have you.  Scammer can click the baby picture, save it to his hard drive or phone, use any paint program to put Thumbs Up= AMEN, <3= Pray and everyone who wants to say AMEN or pray will click and add their  names.

Legitimate places like newspapers, magazines, etc, they won't bother to do that.  They don't want to steal your info and can be sued.  Scammer, he doesn't care.  He wants likes, information, etc.

That baby boy had his photo stolen and used so Scammer could get follows.  The first image shows you that BUT when you shared the photo you shared from a regular guy, a guy with a selfie, a guy who had a job as a Publisher at "MyLikes".  Or maybe you didn't look at all.  You said "aw" and hit send or like many many others commented prayers for the baby.  (Again, it's wonderful to pray for them, not against it...just warning you of the dangers.)  They can steal your baby's photos, your sister's selfies, your mom's pics after an accident ... anything you've posted.

What you didn't see was Scammer's profile.  He has over 774,000 following him.  (While I was looking at images and searching for their owners he gained nearly another 100 more followers...in minutes. OH, and yes, I am trying to find the owners of the other photos.)  He works for a place that doesn't exist but it's a hint at what he's after.  Scammer clearly wants you to email him for advertising.  He's willing to steal photos of people from their pages and slap your company logo on it for a fee.  The photos of "him" likely aren't even his.  The more I scrolled the more I saw.  Scammer has his own webpage and it's his name from FB.  He wants you to visit his page for riveting articles like 12 Oral Positions That Are Far Better Than Doggy Style.

This is where Cloning / Duplicating comes in.
You liked, commented, shared and they have your name.  They have your profile picture and your friends list.  They'll open a new page with your name and harvest your friends.  Then they will do the same to then.  Eventually they'll either post stuff on the new page or change the name once they have all your friends and they'll never know why they're on this person's page, they'll just be there.

If you have been cloned / duplicated, REPORT the other person's page.  If your friends get requests and they KNOW it's not you, have them REPORT the other person's page.

Hacking is when they have your email address, phone number and/or password.  They log in to your account and change things so that you can't get in.  You have no recourse but to contact facebook and jump through 1000 hoops for them to believe you are you.

I would love to say the internet is a safe place. It is not.

I would love to say 100% of the people who want you to share things are truthful.  They are not.

If you see an image you like and would like to share, put it on your phone/computer and drag/drop it into a message to send.  If you can't trust the sender or page, DON'T SHARE IT.  Make it a new message.  You can send 100 messages+ a day with funny things, inspirational messages, etc but please be careful what you share, like, comment on.  Look into the page/person you are sharing from, go to their page to make sure they're not a scammer.
Tips:
If they have hundreds of thousands of likes/shares
If they have a name that makes you look at your computer with one eye squinted
If they have their email address on their front page selling their "services"
If their page has nudes, sketchy links to pages that likely have a virus attatched in some way...
or
If they have ANY image with no one's name or information on it linking to them but are asking for likes, shares, amens, prayers, etc
PLEASE DO NOT Share, Like, Comment!  You are putting yourself and anyone on your list at risk.

This also goes for some survey/quiz.  I love a good quiz.  BE CAREFUL what site you go to.  Be careful what you allow to have your fb login information too.  If they post as you now, they can do it for anything else (it's why people see game stuff all the time...they can post whenever).  AND especially quizzes that have something that compares you to someone on your list, fines your "stalker", your best friend, your look alike, your mate, 4 people who would fight zombies with you, whatever ... This allows them complete access to your account and your friends list.

Tighten your FB security every so often.  Change passwords.  Be Safe.

That's all I can think of for now.  If I've left anything off, please feel free to comment!!!

International Women's Day 2017

Today is International Women's Day and I want to tell you what it means to me.


Today is just another day.  Another day of putting the dog outside, kissing hubby goodbye on his way to work where he will bust his butt so we can have things, walking the kids to the bus stop and telling them I love them and hope they can have a wonderful day.  I come back inside, put the dog out again, read some news, have some coffee, crochet items for people, clean the home, do the dishes and laundry.  Tonight I'll make dinner.  We will eat until we are full and we will go to bed to do it all over again.  We're blessed.

Today is just like any other day and I wouldn't change that.

For the media to ask women to take today off and show them what life would be like without women in the workplace is asinine. Don't lose your job to prove your worth.

I am a proud woman. I am a proud mother and wife.  I don't have to march somewhere to say that.

Women in this country and other countries should not have to have a day to march just to say we are important, that we are EQUALS.  Not your race, your religion nor your sex should stand between you and what you want to be in your life.  Give love and inspiration, even when you don't always feel like it.  For those women who are beaten down by life, by others, know that you are loved and there is more for you out there. 

This day shouldn't have to be a thing.  All we ask is equality.  Women shouldn't have to worry every time they leave their home or vehicle about who is going to hit on them, assault them or rape them.  Not in any country, anywhere.  We shouldn't have to worry whether IF we are assaulted, will the government of male majority decide that my body is something they can control. 

I was raised to speak my mind, to be honest.  I love others and expect it in return.  I may be crass and sometimes unbearable but so can everyone else.  Women are amazing creatures, but so are men, so are those that don't consider themselves a gender but as a people, so are children.  We don't have to have a day to point that out.  It just is.

Wot in Tarnation?

This meme broke out recently with random objects and faces having a cowboy hat on them.  From what I've read it really is nothing more than a "What in Tarnation?" or "Wot in Tarnation?" joke.

"What in tarnation?", for those that haven't figured it out, means the same as saying, "What in the name of God?", "What the hell?", "WTH?" or "What in the Wide World of Sports?".  It is a response (usually) to people saying, "Hold my beer" and doing something with such enormous stupidity that you are flabbergasted into saying the first thing that comes to mind.

In the south it's usually along the lines of :

"Wat in tarnation has that boy done got into? Has he lawst his damn mind? What if his mama sees him? Good God what if the preacher sees him? Lord, help my time. We gotta get that boy down from there before he kills his fool self."

This very scenario happens a lot.  I'm sure you can google that these days and find ample amounts of idiocy directly under, "Here, hold my beer".

In the past it's been used in the south by every grandparent ever.  Applejack on My Little Pony Friendship is Magic series says it. Yosemite Sam said it.  Actual origins of the word are unclear.

I figured the new meme's were funny enough and getting weird enough that it was time to share the translation and some of the funniest memes I've found.

Welcoming in 2017

I just did a post on my crochet blog and I thought I'd come on over here and share that magic.
@Home Ninja by Keisha

2016 was crap.

We did have a lot of good things happen.  Hubby has spent a year at a job that gave him a couple of bonuses.  They're awesome when he needs time off.  Best yet, he's not had to leave home for a week, two weeks or a year and a half at a time like construction.  He doesn't get calls from the bosses wife that leaves him upset.  He's relaxed and happy.  Our boys are actually doing pretty well in school. One is in Advanced Choir and loves it.  The younger one is a pain in the butt but he's enjoying band more.  I'm selling hats recently and I love that.  My MIL's health has been steady which is actually awesome because this time last year she'd just had a stroke and we were scared for her.

Down side was political craziness, soul crushing debt (ie. mortgage and bills), dead van(s), I don't make enough money to be an important part of fixing that crushing debt and my dad's health is steadily declining.  BUT that was then.

This is 2017. This year I hope to crochet more.  I hope to figure out a job or company to start.  I want to make money for my family. I'd love to lose 25 or so lbs too, since I'm just throwing things out there to break. What do you have planned?

What's In Your Nugget?

Me: The chicken nuggets are ready. Have at it.

Hubs: (walks into kitchen, puts nuggets on plate and stops in his tracks): Woman, I'm gonna have to teach you the proper condiments to serve with nuggets.

Me: I got the mustard, ketchup, spicy ketchup and BBQ sauce out, Your Holiness. What did I forget. 

Hubs: It's NOT mustard and ketchup, woman. It's BBQ sauce and Honey Mustard.

Me: Wait. We have Honey Mustard? I didn't see that in there.

Hubs: That's because I was hiding it from you. I know how you are. I'd blink and the honey mustard would be gone. Much like the BBQ sauce is.

Me: I can't believe after all these years you don't trust me with the Honey Mustard. Who feeds you? Who scrubs your back in the shower? Who tends to the dogs and makes sure they don't bother you while you're recovering from surgery? Who looks at your Harley and makes sure it's still shiny as all hell? Who, I ask you!?

Hubs: Don't be eyeballing my bike. And next time, it's 9 chicken nuggets - not 8. Dogs have to snack, too.

Me: Leave my presence and never return.

Insta-Gratification

Ok, this isn't as kinky as one might think :)

I love punksmitharmory on Instagram - he has the greatest comic book collection I've seen in a long time.

Check it out - Thor !!!

#thorsday #thor #themightythor #mjolnir #hela #odinson #waltsimonson #marvelcomics #marvel #comic #comics #comicbooks #comicbook #comicbookcollector #comicbookcollection #comiccollection #comiccollector #comicnerd #comicgeek #comicbookart #comicart #comiccovers #comicbookcovers #comiccoveroftheday #igcomicfamily #photography #photoftheday

A photo posted by Punksmith Armory (@punksmitharmory) on Nov 10, 2016 at 9:44am PST

Rev, The Audio / Video Transcription & WAH

In the middle of September one of my marvelous sisters, and my other blog author, told me about Rev.

Rev does general transcription, translation and caption for clients and you listen to audio or watch videos and give them the most accurate account of what you're seeing and hearing.  Some work is verbatim which is exactly what you see and hear, generally they will tell you how they want you to write up what you see into the file.  Other times you are left to ask staff or head to their forums. I've never had a question that wasn't answered by a Revver within minutes.  They pay weekly!  You are independent so you do not have a schedule, you do not always have work, you won't get fired unless you really screw up or unless you contact a client (big no no) and you don't get benefits but you are paid for what you do weekly and via paypal.

You have 3 levels you can choose from:
Transcription
Captioner
Translator

Transcription:  This one is the only one I can tell you about, for fact, because I've tried it and do it almost daily.  According to Rev's Main Freelance Page,Transcriptionists make $0.40-$0.65 per audio minute.  This varies greatly.  When you start out in transcription, you are ... you know what, lets back this up.
*insert rewind noise*
Okay, when you sign up for Rev you have to answer questions, go to a typing site (they give you the link) and find out your typing speed.  Mine is 60+ WPM, which I knew, but you have to do the site link.  Upload a resume and wait.
*back to the present noise*

When you pass your tests they send an email that you've been accepted or rejected.  You don't have to be perfect.  I see transcriptionists typing in the forums and it makes my skin crawl with the error, misspellings and grammar but they work.  You do have to have basic grammar and, if accepted, you will have to go to their site (again they provide the links) and go through training and videos.  I don't know about you but that made me terribly nervous.  What if I forget?  What if I don't have the time to complete this?  It's okay.  You have to complete these to move on.  I did this in a few hours but I had other stuff going on.

After a week I received notification that I was accepted and ready to start.
You begin as a Rookie.  That's your title.  Jobs are not much.  There might be 25 jobs at any given time.  My first choice was a nearly 26 minute audio file.  It was an interview with two people.  I made about $0.42 cents per audio minute to start.  I had no idea how long this would take me. It took me FIVE HOURS (certainly not the norm now). BUT I made a 5 out of 5 for accuracy and 5 out of 5 for formatting.  These are important because REV works on a metrics system.  We'll go into that in a bit.  To move up in levels you need to have 60 minutes of work reviewed.  Everything you do is graded (eventually) and sent on to the client.  If they have to re-do your work you receive a poor grade and the amount they pay you is less than what you were promised.  If they tell you that you will make $0.42 per audio minute that is IF you make 5/5 in accuracy and formatting.  They take a few cents off if you do not.  My first audio, with 5/5 I made over $10.

Rookie to Revver
My advice is to choose less minutes in the beginning.  Make sure you ALWAYS listen to the audio before you accept the job.  The less minutes, the more practice you get.  You don't have someone over your shoulder telling you what not to do.  Read their resources, take notes, make a special folder in your favorites just for Rev that you can refer to.  Don't forget if you are stuck to use the forums but be SURE you get the work in on time. If you can't complete the work in a given time, you can get out of it.  Generally, you have one hour to unclaim the work you are in for whatever reason and not receive a penalty.  If you go over that time then they take points off of your on-time submission rate.  That's why it's important to listen to the audio before you take the job.

Moving from Rookie up to a Revver you need to have 60 minute of work reviewed and have at least a 4.2 accuracy, 4.2 formatting, 75% of your work has to be submitted on time and 8 commitment ratio. Meaning the rate you've unclaimed after the hour given.  I did this within a week but I focused a lot of time on it.

Revver to Revver+
You have to have at least 60 days of work in with Rev, 4.6 accuracy rate, 4.6 formatting, 90% on-time submission, 15 commitment ratio AND 400 minutes transcribed.  I'm not here yet but I'm working on it.  I have 40 or so days in, 4.8 accuracy, 4.9 formatting, 100% on-time, 19 Commitment ratio and 226 minutes.  I can access my Metrics at any time and see where I missed something.  I've only had one thing I had to back out of after an hour.  I have 4 jobs that have yet to be graded because we don't always have graders.  Once you reach Revver+, you CAN be demoted if you drop below their required numbers.

Pay :  Pay for a Revver certainly goes up.  I've hardly seen any where I get paid less than $0.50 but as a general rule they are $0.52-$0.65.  Occasionally one comes through with $0.95.  They tell you the range of pay is $0.40-$0.65 but the above is what I have seen in the more than a month I've worked there. They will never pay you more than that because they only charge $1 per audio minute to the clients and they'd not make money.

You can apply to be a Grader once you have everything you need to be a Revver+.  From what I've read on the forums, however, the graders have been far too strict on some, taking points away on accuracy and formatting when it wasn't necessary (you can dispute if you feel you did better) and you don't really make that much more money.  We shall see, I'd like to try that once I get enough minutes.

Captioner and Translator:
I'm afraid I can't give you information on that as I have not applied to those.  I couldn't translate anything unless it's 11 or 16 yr old lingo so I'm out of that one completely.  I was reading today that Caption is different in that you can still be a Transcriptionist and work Captions.  They are the same company but two branches that are separate. I'm considering trying out for that one this week.  You have to apply the same as you would for Transcription and you may or may not be hired, however, you will not lose your job in Transcription if you don't make it or if you are fired.

Pay : I didn't bold this one because I haven't been hired in those so I don't know for certain.
Captioner is said to make $0.40-$0.75 per video minute.
Translator is said to make $0.05-$0.07 per word.

The differences here are audio minute and video minute are not by the word!! I want to make that really clear.  The most I've made in the month+ I've been a Revver is $31.90.  I did 4 jobs that week.  Yesterday I did a 21 minute 21 second transcription and made $16.01.  One week I did 3 jobs, each were 10 m 4 s each (we'll talk about that in a sec) and only 1 was scored (yet).  I made $5.03, $7.55 and $6.54.

I keep track of everything in a notebook just for Rev stuff.  At the end of the year I'll have to file and pay taxes on what I've made so I want to know what the job was, what I made and how long it took me.  One was an officer interviewing a guy in a murder case (like reality, not made up show, a real officer interview), another was an interview with two former football players (a couple original guys that went from all black schools and were integrated in the 40-50s) and some other interview.  Two of them took 3 hours each, one took 2 hours.

TIME: This depends.  As I said, you'll see a lot that are 10m 4s.  This is because sometimes audio is uploaded that's 60+ minutes and people try to do it but they can't or no one does it and it sits there.  The client will still want that audio so they break it down into parts.  Then you have 6 audios where you had 1.  The police interrogation took me 3 hours.  The officer was Hispanic and the young man was African American.  I could understand them perfectly for the most part but you will have to pause and go back so many time's it seems crazy.  You'll have phone calls, you'll have the kids text you and need picked up, dishes that need done, laundry needing put in the dryer, dog that needs out, grab a drink or a potty break or even just have to pause and glare at your home phone that won't stop ringing. ("CAN'T YOU SEE I'M WORKING HERE?!!" When clearly, they can't, they're on the phone.  Moron.)

I start work in the mornings, listening to audios and seeing what I can/can not do.  If I accept one I need about 2-3 hours for a short one, 3-5 hours for one that's 20-30 minutes.

I have to weigh what is important for me that day by what job I choose.  I generally like to do shopping for groceries in the mornings so i don't take a project before I shop.  I don't want to not complete it and have to back out.  I have my mother in law that a few times a month needs a lift to town for things.  I never know when she will get up.  I set times but those are relative and don't matter.  I go over and she's not up or she is and after waiting for 5 hours she decides to go another day.  Or, as has happened and did today, one of the kids gets to school and wants to come home with some random illness.

This job is not a long term solution for finances.  This is a job you do if you want to make $100 or so a month extra. (Again, don't forget to set some aside for when you do taxes.  You are now an Independent Contractor.) On my best week, I made almost $32.  The audio I completed came to just over 56 minutes transcribed or an average of $0.57 per audio minute.  Looking at my notes I can tell you the 4 took me a total of 10 hours that week to do.  So even though it took me 10 hours I was paid for 56 minutes.  That's $3.20 per hour.  You do this for the experience and the love of typing...not the pay.

WHAT YOU NEED:
A computer or a laptop that can run their page and their audio files
Typing skills
General understanding of Grammar!
That's it.
It's nice to have a set of headphones that you have a volume control on.  You can use a foot pedal but I do not have one yet and work just fine.

That's about it.
I'm here and available for any questions anyone might have.
REV is a real company. It offers you REAL work at home.  If you have silence, nothing at all to do and nothing but time, you can make some good money with this company.  For my situation I just make peanuts.  I can't work when the teen, preteen or hubby are home because it's time to cook, clean, talk, homework, etc.  Daytime is the only time but even that is limited.

I will try to take some screenshots and add those this week!  Again, if you have questions or comments, we get notified and will respond. :)

Broken Record

I know I come here a lot to vent. It seems like it's all I do is blog about some nonsensical thing the 11 year old does. I suppose I think that somewhere out there will be a reader having the same problem or a parent that says "this might work" instead of the eternal darkness that is the tunnel I'm walking through with this kid.

I know there's an end to it. Occasionally I think I see a speck of light. A morning when he gets up, he's giggly and goes off to play a game or watch a video while he wakes up, he hears me come up the stairs to ask him to get dressed and he leaps up and throws on clothes and when it's time for the bus he's out the door before his older brother and we're there early, no running up the 200+ feet driveway. That happened one day this week. Monday, maybe Tuesday. I don't know, they've all run together and it's only Thursday.

Today, I woke him at 6am as usual. Hubby has been going in early this week, leaving at 6:10-6:15am. The rule was if 11yrold misbehaved we would just let him start going in with dad, get dropped off at 7am on his way to work and he'd just be there an extra hour a day. If he can't get up and go for me then he'll get up and go with dad. That plan is non-existent while he's going in early because no one would be there at 6:20-6:30am at the middle school. Hubby makes a 1/2 hour drive to work and back every day and because he's there early this week it would make going in early not matter if he has to drive home and get 11yrold jerkface and take him 5 miles to prove a point.

So, back to today. He woke at 6am. I turned on his game, gave him hugs and kisses, his alarm went off, he growled at me and rolled back over. I explained that his game was on and I would be back. I made hubby's coffee, gave him smooches and he was out the door for work. Back up the stairs I go at 6:15, wake up 11yrold, more hugs, speaking calmly, I even got him a drink. The dog came in and gave him kisses so he got up and got to his game. YAY! Winning!

I gave him until 6:45 to get in some wake up time. I went in to ask him to get dressed and it was 20 minutes of hissy time.

11: You don't ever listen to me. I'm sick.
me: You are not sick, you were just playing your game.
11: See, you don't listen to me.
me: I don't have to when you say the same thing 180 days out of the year. You're sick, I don't listen to you, I'm making you go to prison, you hate it there, you want to be home schooled, I hate you because I'm making you go to a prison where you'll grow old and die. Now, honey, what was it that you wanted to say? I'm listening.
11: Well you said what I wanted to say.
me: Exactly. So how is it that I'm not listening when I just knew what you were going to say?
11: You don't listen to me!

All of this was while I was trying to get socks on him because he's not doing it himself. I hurt his leg because I was holding it steady to get the sock on. I get his legs in his pants and the shirt over his head before I walk off to get myself ready to walk them up ... because for whatever reason, he really likes when I walk up with them. Even when he's mad. After all this he gets down the stairs and gets his shoes on. I think I might have sent my 16yrold out in a hoodie for girls, if there's such thing, but he doesn't care because he'll take what he gets and rock'n'roll with it. That's his flow. 11yrold yells at me that he's sick and I won't even give him medicine. I say, really? Because I've said I'll take him to the doctor and medicate whatever is causing all this and he refuses saying it'll just make him angry. So that's not an argument.

I don't know, I don't get it. I wouldn't care to take them to school. Let them sleep a little longer and just drive them in but first, 16yrold has a friend on his bus that he loves to hang out with and second, my van just won't do it every day. I could go pick up the friend and I wouldn't hate that but again, I can't. My old van blew some tube. I'd type it all out but as a general rule it's going to be a mom reading this crappy post, not a mom/mechanic who knows what I mean or cares. The newer van I got was $700. The guy got it as a trade in from a young woman whose name wasn't on the title but she's just bought it and wanted a truck or something. He wouldn't return the money when I realized I had to hunt down the original seller several counties away to get the title signed over to me so after a ton of trouble, a ton of running, the van was mine. Now it's got tons of problems (as you'd expect) and when you start it, if it starts because that's tricky (been stranded until it decides it wants to and the culprit is none of the usual suspects) then you have a loud exhaust from front to back that super stinks. The auto door locks keep you from getting in the side and back doors 98% of the time, the key is bent and will eventually give up the ghost, there's some electrical damage, a recall on an item that sets the vans on fire was never repaired, the gauges go bonkers and I have to use my cell phone as the speedometer and guess at fuel consumption and the back passenger break is stuck on something and keeps making a screeching sound unlike the one it makes when it's worn down. So, yes, driving them every morning isn't even a valid option.

I'll wrap this one up and start working on another, less boo-hoo post about the new work I'm doing. :) If anyone has suggestions or any chest thumping "I feel ya girl!" that you'd like to share, I'd love to read the comments. :)

***Edited to add: Yesterday I received an email that in his SS teacher that his behavior is a problem.  He says inappropriate things, leaves books in class or gets other students books or "does something to a student.  Nothing big, just aggravating."  Today I get a call from the vice principal letting me know he dropped the F bomb in Math class so he'll be in ISS tomorrow.  This evening he came in with a letter from Math saying he has an after school detention on Tuesday for "grade recovery" and one from Science saying basically the same thing.

I'm breaking the law!

Yeah, bitches, I'm hardcore breaking the law. I'm gonna keep doing it every damn day. Wanna take me in? Wanna take me downtown? Book'em Dano and all that crap? BRING IT LOL

Rewind.

Last week the boys, 16 and 11, had the stomach virus. By "the boys" had it I mean the 16 year old had it for 3 days and stayed home the extra two because 1)he had a doctor's note for the whole week because he was sick and 2)his stomach still gurgled like he needed to and it's wrong to send him with him sick to make others sick and to be uncomfortable. I emailed all his teachers to get his work and find out about testing but only ONE high school teacher responded. Thanks gang.

NOW, the 11 yr old had what I like to call "sympathy poops" because he'd go to the bathroom once a day, for long periods of time, no evidence of having diarrhea at all and run half naked chasing the dog for the rest of the day ... until 6am or so the next day he had ghost poops. Two days he stayed out for observation but nothing materialized. Friday I had to dress him like he was a toddler, shoes and all, while he screamed at me that he was sick and he'd never make it.

11 year old goes to school but the nurse calls me at 10 am to get him because he feels sick. I check on the 16 yr old, he's okay, I was supposed to take Mother In Law out today so that'll wait, go out to start the used van we've had for 3 months and it won't start. I sit in the van and cry for a good long while before finally breaking down and texting Hubbs to apologize for asking but could he leave work at his job in another county and go get the 11 year old toddler from his "prison". Hubby was sick the week before for 3 days of missed work and two days that week, both he and the 16 yr old saw a doc who basically said "if it continues, call me". 11 year old gets home, hubby feels like maybe he really is sick and Hubbs goes back to work (30 minute drive to and from work so an HOUR he had to take off). 11 year old goes to the bathroom but then tells me "well you told me I could come home after school photos". WHAT?!?!

Weekend was fine, everyone was normal and felt better.

Monday morning was pretty much a repeat of Friday. "I'm sick, I'm not going to make it, why do you hate me?" I dressed him, lifted him off his bed and toward the door we went until he finally had to run up our driveway (a very long curved so you can't see the bus driveway) to make the bus. He was super angry with loads of him screaming "why are you always yelling at me?"

Tuesday (yesterday) the same. This time, however, he claimed to have an eye problem that he had to stay home for. Nope. Sorry.

This morning, I broke the law. Apparently there's some "new law" that says parents who raise their voices and yell "Get your shoes on! You can't miss this bus. You have to go to school, it's the law. Every kid from grade 1 to grade 12 has to go, you're not being singled out. It's not a prison, it's an education. Do I have to call dad and tell him to drive all the way back to drive you back to school? Why is it you're 11 and can't put your own clothes on? Put the shirt back on! You can't just get undressed, you're going to school. How was I supposed to know you really have an issue with your eye when you are 100% fine from 3:15pm until 7am the next day? Yes, I will try to get you in for an appointment but they may not have time for you today, they have a business. Why am I putting your socks on? This is your JOB. You can't miss this bus, lets go NOW." Then he hits me with the knowledge that it's a law that I'm breaking that says I can't yell at a child and tell them to go to school. It's a law, folks.

sigh.
I don't know what to do with him. I told him if he gave me any trouble today his bed time is 8pm and if he pushes it at all he will have to be up and ready by 6:45 when his dad leaves and be at school at 7am where he'll sit by himself from 7-7:30. I don't know why he calls school prison. I don't know why he hates it. He thinks if he acts bad enough he will be homeschooled. Not happening. I just don't get it. I'm at my wits end. I know I cave too easily. I know I shouldn't dress him but it's the only way to get him out the door. If I leave him he will certainly not get dressed or go to school. Then I'm getting letters of truancy and looking at fines and jail time. sigh.

Anyway, there's my frustration for the day. Everyone is off doing their "time" and I'm going to start transcriptioning. :)

Tulsa's Club Scene

Tulsa is a hotbed for all types of clubs - yes, even the kind you mix and mingle over drinks but that's not really what I'm talking about today. Some of these clubs have been around since the 40's and the range of interests marry up well with whatever boredom you happen to be in at the moment.
Let's peruse, shall we?

Into RC planes and drones?  Check out The Tulsa Glue Dobbers at Grant Wilson Field on just about any clear day!  Bring your plane and learn from this club which is believed to be the oldest in the nation (est. 1947)

Anyone ever tell you to go fly a kite?  Well, now's your chance to show your stuff!  The Tulsa Wind Riders (est. late 80's) is full of color and good fun and meets at 43rd and Garnett.  Not sure if your interested?  Well, then come by on 10 September for their annual Sky Dance Festival held in Broken Arrow at 21101E 101st St in Broken Arrow.

Into dressing up in 1800's costumes and shooting guns made before 1899? Ok, then call up the Tulsa Red Castle Gun Club to find out when their next event is.  It's a rootin' tootin' time for all!  (yeah, I said it.  Had to.)

Here's a few more:

Tulsa Press Club (est more than 100 yrs ago) - check out their 1st Draft Beer Tasting event Friday, 14 October 2016 from 5:30pm to 8:30pm - call 918-583-7737 for ticket information.

Intertribal Club of Tulsa is a great org for Pow-Wow and other tribal activities. Please visit their site for more information.

Tulsa Rugby Club has some really great matches!  Check them out

Ride! Ride! Ride! with the Tulsa Bicycle Club with events scheduled weekly!

Many more clubs are active!  Rowing, Fencing, travel, figure skating, toastmasters, horseback riding, many different flower clubs, bonsai, soccer, astronomy, go-karts, motorcycles, skiing, football, heritage clubs (scottish, irish, native american, islanders), military, religious, political, community sponsors (lions, shriners, etc), just about any type of animal club, audiophiles, vaping, amateur radio and much more!

11 Year Old Boy Knows All, Film At 11

The summer has ended and the kids have gone back to school.  My youngest turned 11 in June.  He knows everything.  He can raise himself.  He doesn't need an education.  All he needs is to be left alone.  According to him.

I know he's at the cusp of pre-teen hormone / testosterone crap but that doesn't make me feel any better.  If I slap my head anymore with my palm, I swear my brains will turn to mush and just drain out my ears.  I miss that kid that was sad to go to school "because I'll miss you too much".  The one that hugged me and always had "I love YOU more" fights with me.  This one I want to junk punch back into the past so I can have that other kid from before.  I wouldn't, of course.  I love the little jerk face.  I've not raised a hand to my kids in more years than I can count but this one...he's pushing it.

I started seeing the changes in 3rd grade.  His teacher was a bully and we told her so.  We told the school board and they were going to look into it.  Of course we never heard another word and we homeschooled the youngest.  4th Grade comes and he liked his teacher but was flunking hard in social studies.  Every time we'd talk to the teacher he'd tell us they kids weren't allowed to take home their books or notebooks, that his work should be done in class.  Us: "Well, um, he's failing so clearly he needs to study at home before a test."  Teacher:"Oh he's fine."  We just keep telling our kid "hang in there, soon you'll be in 5th and you'll have other teachers." 

5th Grade brings 4 teachers instead of one, to prepare them for Middle School.  One of them is awfully familiar.  You guess it yet?  Yep. Mr Social Studies has moved to 5th grade as...wait for it...his SS teacher.  SMDH.  So 5th grade was...great.  All along we're helping him, same problems, telling him to hang in there that he can't possibly be in MS too.

6th Grade, finally, all new teachers.  He's been in this school for a full month now.  Here's the run down. 
*Youngest already been fussed on by the bus driver for being too loud and obnoxious
*Needed two locks for locker and gym locker.  Got him 2 matching combination locks.  Refuses to use them, says they are confusing and he just can't get it.  Got him two mismatched key-locks.  Had to get them after school started so they were down to the more expensive ones.  One is too long, the other too fat and won't fit the locker.  Find out that he only needs one till next semester anyway.  Finally get him a lock that will fit and has a key.  Took 3 weeks but he got the lock.  Two matching locks, matching keys.  Can't screw this up. Or can we?  Lost his key the second day, left it somewhere at home.  Third day with new lock I gave him the spare key, forgot it while putting on his shoes.  I told him at the bus stop that I don't care anymore if his crap is stolen, have them cut the lock.  Long story short (but see below) no lock anymore, locks intact, I have both keys.
*Knucklehead gets a pass to go to the office and have his lock cut.  Leaves SS with note, goes to the office, they are sending someone to cut the lock.  45 minutes pass, SS is over, My kid is still sitting at his locker waiting for no one to come cut the lock. WTF.
*In the course of a month he's got 6 missing things from Language class.  Some of it was to be done in class but he didn't have his locker key...so he said.  Now he tells me they don't put their books in the lockers.  GRR.  I talk with the Language teacher (who is also his home room teacher, 1st period Reading teacher and Language for 5&6th periods...yep Language and Math at this school requires 2 class periods for all students) and she works with him.  I think he's caught up now.  (Oh please Sweet Baby Jesus)
*ISS.  Little precious has been in In School Suspension during lunch period for over a week now.  3 days last week for belching in the hall and cackling like he'd lost his mind.  Apparently that wasn't enough for him.  They told him then that if he came back for the same thing it was double.  Yep.  This time in someone's face and cackles like a mad scientist.  SMH.
*Math teacher sent him to the office to have the VP call home.  AngelFace was flailing his arms in class (he's smack dab center of this class).  When the teacher asked him "Do you want all day ISS?  Maybe I'll send you to the office.  Is that what you want?"  He looked her dead in the eyes and said "yup."  According to him, however, he was trying to get a spider off of him (he has a phobia) and he didn't know what else to tell her when she didn't believe him.
*SS he's failed a few things but the sub in there (teacher is out til xmas with cancer treatments) has been allowing him to redo them and try to get a passing grade.
*Every evening after school he refuses to do work until 7pm.  Throws a fit to go upstairs.  When I do make him do his work he takes it upstairs to listen to what the kids these days call ear rape.  Thanks Youtube.
*Never puts his work back in his binder.  When he does it's shoved whereever and never gets turned in.
*Morning is a nightmare.  NIGHTMARE.  He insists that I walk him to the bus.  I can't seem to figure out why.  He hates me.  6am I go turn on his computer so he can get up, play something, watch a video, whatever.  I gave up continuing to try to get him up.  I go get coffee, hang out until 6:30. From 6:30-7pm I'm on the bed with him, hugging him, kissing his head, talking to him, sometimes I bring the dog and let the dog attack him with a dog toy, sometimes I shake the bed.  Either way, the bus is here between 7:15-7:25 every morning. Not just outside the door but a 5 minute walk up the driveway...it's long.  We have to get out of here no later than 7:10.  Again, long story short, every day I end up putting clothes on the ragdoll who wakes up long enough to scream at me that he's just tired, he just wants to sleep, why can't I home school him again, stop snooping on his computer, whatever.  This morning I had to dress him, stand him up and walk him to his door, which I pushed him out of.  He went down the stairs on his own and I walked up with he and his older brother (16 and the best damn 16 yr old around) to the bus stop.  Yesterday we moved a bench my hubby built to the end of the driveway to wait for the bus.  At least they have a place to sit now.

I am legitimately at my wits end.  I know I'm enabling him.  I don't have a good vehicle or I'd just drive them up to school.  I have things in place to shut off electronics at a certain time.  He gets up and turns them back on.  He gets punished and instead of taking it he comes down here with hubby and I and literally spends all his time beside us, talking, whining, negotiating, aggravating the dog.  Hubby works from 7:15-3:30 every day coding websites.  He comes home and just wants quiet.  If I let the youngest behave like a fool then hubby's mad, had a bad night and bad next day.  You know the saying "when mommy has a bad day, everyone has a bad day"  nope... daddy.  We're about to get drastic on the kid.  His older brother, the saint, is to the point of jumping in and fussing on him when dad's gone on to work just to get the kid out the door.  He's mad the younger one has a complete lack of respect for himself and others.  yup, me too but yelling fixes nothing.  Of course, neither does taking things away, bribes or just avoiding him.  7 more years and he'll be an adult.  I hope to God I can talk some sense into the kid before then or he'll be in jail all his life. sigh.

Ruskie Mountain High

After his death, producer Roger Nichols released a 2-CD set of previously unreleased recordings of Denver's 1985 concert performances in the Soviet Union called John Denver – Live in the USSR.  This beautiful version of Annie's Song is in English and Russian.  

Enjoy !

Pandora's Box

A great app for the Verizon Samsung Galaxy 4 is Pandora.  I know, I know..... I really need to upgrade my phone but hey!  it works and I like it.  Problem solved.

Aaaand, I've discovered a neat thing about my car - it's bluetooth!  So now I can listen to my playlists all the time!

"Quit that or you'll get stuck that way"

Has that ever been true?  Have you ever made a face at someone and your face got stuck that way?  Why do we say that to our kids?  I'm not 100% sure I've said it to my kids but I know mama said it to me.  I was just telling a friend that I keep rolling my eyes into the back of my head when I talk about politics (school district all the way up to presidential) and every time I do it I think of my mama saying "quit that or you'll get stuck that way". 

So, if by chance I'm not on here for a long stretch between now and elections, know that I'm in the hospital with my physician standing over me and telling my family "I'm sorry, we did all we could.  Her eyes are stuck like that, in the back of her head.  If only she'd have listened to her mother, she'd have had a chance."

Just A Friend and Bust A Move

You know you've done a good job raising teen and preteens when they come in, hijack your computer, play Biz Markie's Just a Friend and sing the chorus loudly and badly.  It's hilarious and I'm so proud.  Then when youtube brings up the other videos that are similar or they recommend and Bust A Move by Young MC and your oldest won't let you choose anything but that.  That's my boy.  Happy Friday Ya'll...Bust A Move

Sleeping gas?

So the 11 yr old comes in and farts.  The dog was following close behind him, likely hoping the boy was eating something and would drop said something.  11 Yr old says "Hey buddy, are you feeling tired? I bet you are, that was sleeping gas" 

You see what I'm dealing with here?  Happy Hump Day! :p

The Power of a Decision

What is the single force that controls the quality of your life?  The one thing that makes or breaks the way you approach a situation, thought or forward action?

Everything in our life changes when you commit to just one thing.  That one thing is CHOICE.

Most people, especially myself, get sidetracked by focus.  I focus on the wrong things all the time.  This, in turn, tells me that I'm not worthy of getting better information to make better decisions.

Why?

Because my focus is on the negative - the horrible media going on these days, the lousy job I think I have but if I really applied myself, could be something greater.  My physical condition that, let's face it, says those Sunday doughnuts are the end-all-be-all to my existence.

But does all this focus cause me to put one foot in front of another with zeal and possibility or does it make me dread the coming moments?

Precious moments are lost forever five minutes from now.

So really the choices I make each and every moment of my life determine how my life will become greater and greater.

One choice I have is to decide what makes me afraid and to deal with it.  Why do I have these fears that manifest themselves into daily nightmares?  The future.  Success.  The fear of failing my family.  The fear of dying some horrible death, or worse, my family dying all around me.

Yep.  I have all those.

I remember Basic Training was absolutely the most fearful time of my life - just out of high school, never pushed myself to excel at anything, comfortable in the family fears that I had adjusted to -  being abused by uncles time and time again.  Yes, abuse is comforting in a very real sense because repetition trains your mind to accept the practice as "normal." So, the Army rocked my world with the stratagem of  training by dictating within me a different ground-shaking, soul-reaching mentality.
No fear.  No holding back.  In your face.

The Army has a way of showing you that to overcome a limitation in your mentality you need to get extremely physical, thus, the 2 mile run to clear your head, the push-ups to keep your focus, the situps to push the negative out of your belly which has a life force of its own - all these with intense "just do it!" attitude which has a way of making you look hard into a mirror.

So, if I don't like my job, I need to change it.  If I am afraid of success by writing a block-buster novel, I then need to surround myself with positive thinking people or media which then leads to positive actions.  Make decisions that create a greater good for myself and those around me.  Give a hug to someone every day.  Do a good deed every day.  Immerse myself in goodness and look at the negative as a choice of whether I want to engage or not and not make it the standard way of seeing the world in the One Shot that God has given me.  Is there a better way to think about a situation other than what I'm currently thinking?  Is there a better avenue to change a deeply learned trait that has taken me absolutely nowhere?

I'm pretty sure there is.  Now to make it happen.

Drop the Mic

One of my very best friends since beginning grade school was having a pretty standard hysterectomy coming up.  We shall call her Bat.  She's had a lot of pain and they knew she had polyps but couldn't tell the extent.  They could test for cancers but it would be easier after the surgery so they all opted to just do it.

The day of the surgery rolls around and I awaken, nervous for my bestie and sad I couldn't be there for her as she's many states away and I am having vehicular instabilities.  I hop on to FB and find this:

I thought about writing an essay entitled "If I don't come back" so if I died my family could make it with out me. It would contain things like "The black/brown/green/tan/or pink stuff you find in corners and cracks is mold. Use bleach" "Toilet paper is purchased at stores but you actually have to bring it home, take it to bathroom and place near toilet for use" "When you run out of underwear it is past time to do the laundry congrats on putting it off this long" "You ever wanna borrow the neighbors mower, cup of milk or sugar, you have to be nice to them way before hand. Try a pie when someone new moves in and wave when you see them" "The carpet has not always been brown, yes, you HAVE to vacuum it." "It the dog won't eat something you drop in the kitchen, its past time to mop." "You must sweep THEN mop. Otherwise, congrats, you made mud."

I also shaved, deep scrubbed and plucked my face, That way the make up artist can spend her time more wisely and do a nice eyeliner.

You see why I love her? My Bat girl drops the mic.  The best part is, I know she's 1/2 serious.  She took it all in stride.  She knows where she's been, she knows her family is awesome and would take care of each other, she is faith filled and okay with whatever was swinging in her direction.  I swore our pal and I would see to it that we spoiled and punished her family should the impossible happen.  Impossible because I asked every spirit guide, mostly my mom, to stand over her and see to it the docs got her in and out the door safely.  She's a faith and loved filled woman with a batsh*t sense of humor.  She's mah girl.

I post this now because she's home and doing great.  No word on test results yet but I'm certain she'll let me know.

She's Batfabulous.