Confessions ... Through the Bathroom Door.

"Would you quit it?
Every.single.time.
Nope.  You have to wait.
I said no!  I'm pooping.
Are you kidding m... WAIT!
Every.FLIPPIN.TIME.
Oh, fine. FINE. I didn't need to do this NOW anyway.  I'll just get up and take care of YOUR needs.
No. No. No. After you, your highness."

Anyone that says raising dogs is not remotely like raising kids can kiss my rear.  Moose, our Miniature Schnauzer, will wake from a dead sleep when he hears the bathroom door or me on the potty.  He will go to the front door and stretch a couple of times and in the third stretch he'll ring the bells on the side of the door to alert me that he HAS to go out.  He will ring those bells like The Hunchback of Notre Dame until I finish my business or give up trying.  Even if I've just put him out and let him in again.  *sigh* Kids.

What's In Your Nugget?

Me: The chicken nuggets are ready. Have at it.

Hubs: (walks into kitchen, puts nuggets on plate and stops in his tracks): Woman, I'm gonna have to teach you the proper condiments to serve with nuggets.

Me: I got the mustard, ketchup, spicy ketchup and BBQ sauce out, Your Holiness. What did I forget. 

Hubs: It's NOT mustard and ketchup, woman. It's BBQ sauce and Honey Mustard.

Me: Wait. We have Honey Mustard? I didn't see that in there.

Hubs: That's because I was hiding it from you. I know how you are. I'd blink and the honey mustard would be gone. Much like the BBQ sauce is.

Me: I can't believe after all these years you don't trust me with the Honey Mustard. Who feeds you? Who scrubs your back in the shower? Who tends to the dogs and makes sure they don't bother you while you're recovering from surgery? Who looks at your Harley and makes sure it's still shiny as all hell? Who, I ask you!?

Hubs: Don't be eyeballing my bike. And next time, it's 9 chicken nuggets - not 8. Dogs have to snack, too.

Me: Leave my presence and never return.