Vajingle Vajangle

This post is NSFM ... yeah, Not Safe For Men.  I love you guys but you're squeamish and easily disgusted by "lady time".

This morning my bff posted something on social media (and my sister said I had to blog) about Maya Rudolph doing a commercial for Seventh Generation.  Now, something called a Vajingle certainly sounds like an SNL skit but get this...it's real.  As real as the sun in our solar system.

Seventh Generation sells toxin free tampons, pads, diapers, detergents, soaps, etc.  They're green.  They also have a pretty decently long list of where to buy their products on and offline. (You know, offline, like where you use your legs to walk down isles of major stores and purchase things with plastic because we both know you ain't got no cash on you.)

Things to know about this southern mom of two...  I don't like wearing tampons.  Occasionally, they're fine but some days I wear one for a few hours and feel sick to my stomach.  I do like that when I wear them, and don't feel sick, that I forget how gross I feel when I'm wearing a big wet pancake in my drawers.  I'm disgusted by the, all too familiar, feeling when Flo uncontrollably pees out when you're walking somewhere.  The "do I need to change" feeling all the time or the "*sniff*sniff* is that me?" you get.  I cramp hard.  Like 6.0 activity on the Richter Scale.  Sometimes I shake, grumble and a bad one has me grabbing a chair, buckling my knees or hiding under tables until it's over.

I like the idea that there's a company out there that offers dye and fragrance free hygiene products.  I don't like the "do I smell" feeling but the fragrance pads are a ridiculous idea. Do I want to smell like I shoved a baby powdered tuna in my jeans?  No.  No, I don't.  And they tend to either break you out in a rash or nudge you in the right direction for a yeast infection.  Also unwelcome after you've thrown Flo out of the house on her ass for overstaying her welcome, again.  I know there is a Diva Cup out there but I've yet to try it. 

I think I might have to try these Seventh Generation things.  It will have to do until they come out with tampons stuffed with caffeine and pain relievers.  It's my dream that will one day become a reality.  "Chocolate cupcake scented tampons now release the equivalent of 2 cups of coffee into your lady bits every 45 minutes.  Good for the environment and non toxic!"  Ahhh.  A girl can dream.  Now I need to got down another piece of cake and cup of coffee.  Yeah it's 10 am.  Suck it, you're not my mom. :D