God Gave You What??

So, I'm the only woman on a team of crusty old guys who, as it turns out, are mostly veterans.  I'm sure they didn't start out crusty but if they had a goal of being extremely baked bread, well, they have arrived. A lofty goal indeed.

Yesterday, I was going about my business taking a deep dive into the evil bowels of a SONET OC48 when upon my screen comes this IM:

"Make it stop" - says Benny (the names are changed to protect the insane)

"Make what stop?"  - says I.

"The evil that is upon me.  It's name is Don."

"Heavens be.  What has he said now?"

"He won't stop talking about himself.  If I hear one more story of his love for all things Don, I'm going to take matters into my own hands."

"OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!"

"that's one possibility."

"LET HIM EAT CAKE!!"

"Even if the frosting is in rainbow pansy pink, I'm still gonna shove it where the Don doesn't shine."

"You really must exercise some constraint, Benny.  I mean, there's no I in Team, yah know."

"You come sit over here then tell me that again.  I dare you."

"This has been a very productive discussion."

"There will be a great feast tonight celebrating my victory.  No storytelling allowed.  Just get shit-faced then leave my presence."

"Roger that."

I love my team :)   They have the sense God gave a split-pea and I guess I just fit right in.  That makes me happy.

Steam Days 5 and 6 Wallpapers

While I'm still not crazy excited about how slow the sale has gone and the lack of daily deals, I do absolutely love the pics they're doing.  Picnic stuff is soooo cute!  Yeah so I'm a girl.  I admit it.  I get may *awww so cuuuute* googly eyes too.  Now for days 5 and 6 of the Steam Sale.  Not that I need to remind you but it's only through July 4th!  Get some games and save them in your inventory for gifts later to friends. :)

Day 5










Day 6 

Book Review: The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Frye

Old Time Pottery loves me.  It beckons me to come hither and enjoy really only one section of its massive innards (ok, really, I love it all but I it would be catastrophic not to make this store feel special.  Millions of angry worms would march on my house if I hadn't explained myself so there it is).

The discount book section an be quite the wasted-time spender if one feels the need to just, well, waste an hour or so looking at the picked-over book selection.  You'll weed through Big Books of Crossword puzzles, sappy "oh-my-beating-heart-aches-for-your-manly-man-arms" romances, the "I-have-a-ton-of-answers-for-your-sad-pathetic-life" self-helps and many West Wing type dramas that will keep you enamored for many days trying to weed through all the bad writing and mysterious plots with holes bigger than a massive fart blow-out.

In the midst of the spineless wanna-be bestsellers, you find a gem.  A True Gem.

This gem - The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Frye by Rachel Joyce - will, at first glance, make you toss the book aside, the back page blurb of a unassuming man making an extraordinarily humble journey to visit a friend seem, for lack of a better phrase, a total yawn.   Who really cares if Harold makes the journey?  Who really cares if he finishes the journey?  And who really cares to know why he's on the journey?

I passed over the book 5 or 6 times before I said, "Ok, you win."

Harold reminds me of a lot of old couples I've met in my years.  One person takes in the attitude of another and creates a pseudo world of what turns out to be an uncomplicated life.  His wife slams pots and pans, fusses on Harold for just about everything and has hissy fits when the revolving world of emotions she has going on isn't met with the same fervor of genuine crabbiness she feels they deserve.

She's fighting her own inner demons and insists that Harold go along for the ride with no consideration to his own secret desire to make their life better through genuine interaction.

 He gave up a long time ago.

His journey starts with a simple letter written by a woman he worked with years prior.  She's dying and wanted to reach out to let him know.  He fashions a half-hearted response and decides to post it after several re-writes.  But the mailbox doesn't seem to provide enough of an effort of comfort he's trying to give her so he decides to mail the letter in town.

When he gets to town, he decides that the walk is so good, why not go to the next town to mail the letter?  After all, it will be one town closer to where she is.

The next town passes as does the next until there's a Forrest Gump reaction to sending this letter and makes the trek 500 miles to see this woman and offer her his solution to the cancer eating at her.

What makes this book special is the cast of characters that seemingly unnoticed at times, drift in and out of his journey making their appearances seem almost ghost-like.  Most ask him why he's doing this and some even marvel at his willingness to be something of an extraordinary man wishing they could be that dedicated to a task in their own lives.

Harold becomes a little famous.

Harold has conviction that if he makes this journey, he will have made a difference in at least one person's life and provide a private direction to the relationship, and ultimately a resolution.  His wife, Maureen, takes into account that without anyone to shower her emotional boxing on, she's left with going rounds with her inner demons.  Her journey is just as important as Harold's - just not as famous - but essential to rounding out the whole story to a satisfying conclusion.

Visit the Pottery or any new/used bookstore and pick up a copy.  Share it with your bookclub.  Keep it on your shelf and look at it every now and then.

Make the quiet journey with Harold.  You'll be glad you did.

I wasn't going to do it...Steam Sale made me

I've really been enjoying the Steam Sale images this year.  So much so, even from day 1, that I've saved them (the best parts of them) and put them in wallpaper form.

Now, at day 4, I'm sharing them all with you.  And maybe beyond.  I'm not affiliated with Steam in any way but I am a bit addicted to their sales.
All are sized 1920x1080

Day 1

Day 2 








Day 3

 Day 4

Vajingle Vajangle

This post is NSFM ... yeah, Not Safe For Men.  I love you guys but you're squeamish and easily disgusted by "lady time".

This morning my bff posted something on social media (and my sister said I had to blog) about Maya Rudolph doing a commercial for Seventh Generation.  Now, something called a Vajingle certainly sounds like an SNL skit but get this...it's real.  As real as the sun in our solar system.

Seventh Generation sells toxin free tampons, pads, diapers, detergents, soaps, etc.  They're green.  They also have a pretty decently long list of where to buy their products on and offline. (You know, offline, like where you use your legs to walk down isles of major stores and purchase things with plastic because we both know you ain't got no cash on you.)

Things to know about this southern mom of two...  I don't like wearing tampons.  Occasionally, they're fine but some days I wear one for a few hours and feel sick to my stomach.  I do like that when I wear them, and don't feel sick, that I forget how gross I feel when I'm wearing a big wet pancake in my drawers.  I'm disgusted by the, all too familiar, feeling when Flo uncontrollably pees out when you're walking somewhere.  The "do I need to change" feeling all the time or the "*sniff*sniff* is that me?" you get.  I cramp hard.  Like 6.0 activity on the Richter Scale.  Sometimes I shake, grumble and a bad one has me grabbing a chair, buckling my knees or hiding under tables until it's over.

I like the idea that there's a company out there that offers dye and fragrance free hygiene products.  I don't like the "do I smell" feeling but the fragrance pads are a ridiculous idea. Do I want to smell like I shoved a baby powdered tuna in my jeans?  No.  No, I don't.  And they tend to either break you out in a rash or nudge you in the right direction for a yeast infection.  Also unwelcome after you've thrown Flo out of the house on her ass for overstaying her welcome, again.  I know there is a Diva Cup out there but I've yet to try it. 

I think I might have to try these Seventh Generation things.  It will have to do until they come out with tampons stuffed with caffeine and pain relievers.  It's my dream that will one day become a reality.  "Chocolate cupcake scented tampons now release the equivalent of 2 cups of coffee into your lady bits every 45 minutes.  Good for the environment and non toxic!"  Ahhh.  A girl can dream.  Now I need to got down another piece of cake and cup of coffee.  Yeah it's 10 am.  Suck it, you're not my mom. :D

Sew....what?

Yes, I'm thinking about dusting off the sewing machine (again) and actually working up some aprons and things for the house.  Nothing to wear because I'm not my grandmother who was a tailor and made awesome things for church and family (bras, underwear, wedding dresses, men's tailoring, - you get the picture - she was outstanding).

So I was thinking of a lot of DIY upcycle type of stuff when it hit me that I could make some skirts into aprons.  It would be handy because I have pretty skirts that my chunky behind can't wear anymore and it would at least look like I was .... uhm........creative.

Another thought was to make Butt Bags but I'd have to make my own pattern up.  I'm not very good at that so I'm on the hunt for anything that I can modify to my own pattern.

A Butt Bag you ask?  It's a pair of jeans made into a purse.  I have one and get more compliments on it than anything in my wardrobe.  Go figure.

"Pube could have saved my life last night"

Very seldom do my kids drop a gem that I have to stop everything and blog about.  The 15 year old is playing Words With Friends with his girlfriend and talking about how she usually kicks his butt.  "Last night, " he says "ohh ho last night, this word could have saved my life...but they wouldn't let me use it".  Yes folks he typed pube.  In all my days I never thought I would hear the words come out of my mouth "so a pube could have saved your life last night?"

This is what it's about folks.  No photo this post but you can have the mental image of me dropping the mic.

Costumed Characters

When I was little the only time we got to play dress up was homecoming week at school and Halloween.  These days clothes are costumes.  From jackets that zip over your head and face that look like Darth Vader to hoodies for My Little Pony's Rainbow Dash.  They're cute and fun!  For kids and grown ups!  I want to get them so I can wear them all the time!  I'm so excited that it's not just for kids anymore.  I mean, just a few weeks ago Chewbacca Mom, Candace Payne, went insanely viral.  Everyone flipped because she was so excited to have a mask that made the Chewbacca noise when she moved her mouth. I still laugh till I cry.  Not really over the mask but the joy it brought to her actually brought joy to millions of people (155,492,990 Views as of today).  Like she said, it truly is the Simply Joys.

So here we are in June, right.  Both of our boys have birthdays.  No, we didn't plan it.  I've been asked a lot.  They are exactly 5 years and 7 days apart (well and a few hours) but no not planned out that way.  The youngest is turning 11 and he's one of many who are nuts about this Undertale game that  has throwback late 1980's graphics. Apparently, this was a crowfunded campaign that received over $57,000 backing, took nearly 3 years to complete and has overwhelmingly positive reviews on Steam.  Toby Fox, his three brothers and Temmie Chang not only wrote the game but did it on RPG Maker 2000 and Toby Fox, himself, composed all the music.  It's nuts.  Games like this in the 80's were short lived but now they're the bee's knees.  The 11 yr old is crazy about it.  Crazy.  He plays it all the time.  When he's not playing it, he wants to listen to the soundtrack on my phone.  He knows all the characters, their names, where they came from, everything they've ever done on every run of the game, ANNND he's watched nearly ever video on youtube of every other kid in the known universe playing the game.

Back to the birthday.  So now he wants to dress like Sans and Papyrus, a couple of the main characters.  The eldest boy is 16 and he says we should get him some kind of Sans costume.  There's not one but he can cos-play it pretty easily!  It's a skeleton kid wearing a blue hoodie, (technically everything is black and white in the game so this is from fan art) with black shorts and pink slippers.  He also would need skeleton gloves and mask.  I've tried to find everything from plushies to plastic toys and I'm not having great luck.  No crochet patterns available, those that have made them in crochet or sewed dolls have closed their commission sales for a while.  All of them.  I found some great tshirts but they're in Lithuania and take 2-3 weeks to get here.  Considering that's when his b'day is, um, no.

I'm sure we'll figure something out.  sigh.  The crap we do for our kids.
Anyway, I guess that's about it.  Not much going on this month aside from birthdays, an appointment or two, my uncle is having surgery and we're having our 17th anniversary (which is pretty awesome).  I'm certain the kids will have plenty of whack-a-doodle things going on for me to post.  Until then I'll go surf Etsy and wait impatiently for Steam to have their summer sale (supposedly to start June 23-July 4 2016).